Went on 12 first dates in 6 months. Here's what I actually learned.

For context: got out of a 4-year relationship, friend said "stop moping, download the apps." I said fine. I ended up going on 12 first dates in 6 months. Most of them never got a second date. Two turned into short situationships. One I'm still seeing. Here's what nobody tells you before you start: 1. The first 5 dates are just research, not a relationship. I went into date #1 thinking every match was potentially "the one." By date #7 I was relaxed, because I'd learned most people just aren't a fit, and that's fine. 2. People who say "I don't really like dating apps" on their profile are the worst. Congrats, you're above it, but you're here anyway. 3. Red flags you can spot in the first 20 minutes: They ask what suburb you live in within 5 minutes. Not for safety, for status. They complain about their ex unprompted. They name-drop a place you've never heard of like you should be impressed. They're weirdly rude to waitstaff. (I know, everyone says this, but it's true.) They check their phone when it buzzes and won't even glance over. 4. The dates that worked all had one thing in common: We did something low-stakes. Coffee and a walk. Nando's. A market. We were both slightly bored in a nice way, and we talked like normal people. The dates that failed all had one thing in common too: pressure. Fancy dinner. "Wow you must dress up." Someone trying too hard. 5. You will know in the first 15 minutes. You either walk away thinking "that was nice, I'd do it again" or you don't. Stop forcing it because they're "nice on paper." Nice on paper doesn't feel like chemistry. 6. Ghosting is not about you. Half the people on these apps are half-present. They ghost because they're chatting to three other people, because their ex texted, because they had a bad day. It's not a verdict on you. 7. The one I'm still seeing? We matched on a Tuesday. We texted for two days. We met for coffee on Thursday. We walked around the park for an hour and a half and neither of us checked our phones. That was it. No grand gesture. No chemistry explosion. Just... easy. What's your dating pattern? How many first dates before you knew someone was worth a second? Drop it below — I feel like we've all got a version of this story.