Should lobola negotiations be a private thing between parents only?

Saw a woman on TikTok this week saying she insisted on a private lobola meeting — just her parents and his parents, no uncles, no cousins, no extended family giving unsolicited opinions — and half the comments called her rude, the other half called her smart. So let's open it here. My take, and I know this is going to get me yelled at: I get the tradition. Lobola isn't just money, it's the family acknowledging the union, and the elders are part of that. But I've also watched way too many negotiations get hijacked by uncles who haven't seen the couple in three years suddenly demanding extra cows "for the ancestors" or whatever. The couple ends up fighting about it, the parents end up awkward, and what should be a beautiful thing becomes a two-week family drama. The woman on TikTok's argument was basically: "We're the ones getting married. Our parents know us. Why does the whole clan get a vote?" I'm not saying tradition is wrong. I'm saying the version a lot of us grew up with — where the couple is basically a spectator at their own lobola — feels off in 2026. Some questions I genuinely want to hear: Did you go through lobola? Was it private or a whole family event? What's the line between "respecting tradition" and "letting relatives hold your relationship hostage"? If you're a couple where one family is huge and the other is tiny, how do you balance it? Who actually decides the number — the bride's parents, the groom's parents, or the couple? Be honest. Did your lobola bring your families closer, or did it start a fight you're still hearing about at every Christmas?

My aunt demanded an extra goat 'because she helped raise me.' I'm still not sure if that's tradition or a side hustle.